So I read an article today on CNN.com that was about weaning yourself from complaining in order to become a happier person as well as a more actualized one. The article was purporting that a life lived with restraint about complaining and gossip about others would lead to either more explosive reactions or more proactive ones. Basically the premise was that if you (or I) quit bitching in the moment, we will come to an explosion point that will push us over the edge toward outrage or toward action.
First off, this article was presented as a part of Oprah.com. Ms. Winfrey is a not only traditionally a women’s magazine/television mogul but is also a force in the modern American landscape of supposed empowerment for women. Her stamp on this particular article brings quite a bit of clout to what the article says, trustworthy or not, and to what it suggests for life choices.
The author uses her own life as well as a few others’ lives as examples about how not speaking your truth is detrimental to the larger purpose of what you want out of this time on Earth. She touts Mahatma Gandhi as the ultimate non-violent protester but other than him, there is only one male example given. All of the others presented, including the author, are shown to be women who in their complacency are not getting the respect they deserve as well as not living up to their potential as they are releasing productive (possibly) energy I their venting. Ms. Beck says “Without the option of complaining, you’ll have only two choices for dealing with emotional buildup: explosion or positive action.”
This is not to say that I don’t agree. In fact, I wholeheartedly do! I guess I am just wondering why it takes the modern, housewives’ guru, Oprah, to call our attention to this and is it really that much of a problem? It must be if the middle brow, self help land is calling attention to it. I am sure there is a “book of the month” in the works.
Do I sound bitter?
I think I might…
I guess I am still battling the feminist aspects of this work. Why is it that I find more women who understand the double-edged sword (no pun intended) of asserting themselves? I polled a bunch of my friends and family (all women, granted) and more often than not, the ones that defined themselves as assertive also define themselves as gay/queer/bisexual. My polling is by no means scientific (horror of horrors, I have thrown out the scientific method for something like a general consensus of peers and intuition) but I cannot dismiss these responses as false, inconsequential or meaningless. Some might say that I am seeing what I am looking for, and that very well might be true, but, I AM seeing something and that something is that I am not alone. I am not alone in my struggle to assert myself, to learn to speak my truth and to say what I mean and mean what I say regardless of how I am perceived and what I look like when saying it.
It is a really difficult thing for some of us. I have no answers as to why but just want to continue to look at it from the point of someone who is willing to ask the questions, face the answers and consider the alternatives…
What ARE the alternatives, again????
