Angry Young Woman…AYW. Doesn’t really have a ring, does it?

I said I was not going to edit myself and with that in mind and absolutely terrified I offer:

 ++++

I am afraid

 

I am afraid of her

 

I am afraid to let the angry one inside of me speak

 

What if I can’t put Pandora back in the box

 

The angry young woman is so trite, done and cliché and yet I AM her. 

I am so angry.

 

I am pissed.

 

I am sick of what this time on this planet has taught me.

 

That it is ok to abandon me.

 

Ok to abuse me

Ok to hurt me, curse me, call me names.

 

Smack me, forget to call, call and be silent, send money and abstain from sending love, affection or even inquiry as to how I am.

 

 

I am a person not here to just sit and observe. 

I see things.

 

I see you wishing I weren’t here. 

I tiptoe, I keep quiet, I cry at night, alone, wishing I was gone.

 

 

Wishing I wasn’t.

 

Knowing that I am not worthy, knowing that I am different, other, strange

 

I push out. 

I become what is projected on me.

 

I morph, warp and shape shift

 

Pygmalion indeed. 

I become what you want, what they want, what is expected, what is not expected, the unexpected, the naughty, the wrong, the bad girl

 

Where is my red lipstick?

 

**********************************************************************************************

But I know the truth.

 

I am but one

 

Little

Girl

 

Wishing to be accepted

For who she is

 

Like

All

 

Little

Girls

 

And

All

 

Big

Girls

 

And

All

 

I am loving

I have a big heart

I feel more than most

I cry more than most

I love more than most

 

 

I hurt

 

 

I hurt

 

 

I hurt

 

 

You don’t have to see me

 

You never will

 

You never did

 

Push me aside

Push US aside

 

We did not exist.

 

Start

 

Over.

 

Start over.

 

Start

 

Over.

 

Reset.

 

Reset.

 

Re

 

Set.

 

^^^^^^^^

 

A man of God

 

A man of integrity

 

A loving husband

 

An exemplary father

 

BULLSHIT.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

I am still here

 

Dealing with this

 

With you

 

With us

 

With what was not

And what will never be

 

I am still here wishing for what was not

 

Wishing for what could have been

For what will never be

 

 

Fair is nothing

 

I do know that

 

But

 

How

 

Do

 

I

Carve

 

You

 

Out

 

Of

 

My

Heart?

 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

I am afraid

 

I am afraid of her

 

I am afraid to let the angry one inside of me speak

 

What if I can’t contain her?

She is eating me alive…